Guys, I really like friendships.
My blog has started to become a holding cell for a bunch of Drafts. I sit down long enough to type out a few thoughts and then realize I spend my entire workday writing and would rather sit on the couch with The OC and my roommate when I get home.
However, I'm attempting to pull together this pile of incoherent thoughts thanks to an unexpected reader requesting a new post. I suppose you never know who might relate to your random rumblings, so thank you to that gal for the push.
And just to make this more interesting, let's count how many times I use the word "friend" in the following...
***
Yesterday, I received the following Facebook message after uploading this cover photo:
If there's one thing I love, it's some public display of true blue friendship. Y'know, it's very, very rare to be able to stay friends with someone after such a long time. People change. They become busy. Distance gets in the way. There are so many things working against that bond lasting, and yet there it is: a photo collage through the years and banter anticipating an upcoming reunion. I think it's so great you have that - everyone should be so fortunate.
I think the thing that really shocked me is that this guy took the time to send this to me; afterall, we know each other so peripherally that a Facebook message was the only way he had to contact me. All too often, I think about reaching out to people in these types of random situations and then rarely take the time to do so. And then almost immediately it starts to haunt me that maybe I should have said that one thing or helped that one person with their groceries. In the last year or two, I've been trying to act on my gut about these things. I know all of this may seem insignificant, but these little things help me keep my faith about people -- and I want to help others keep theirs. Anyway, I digress. The point is that this email left me thinking about my friendships -- which, if you know me well, is something I deeply value.
I've been friends with the gals pictured above for nearly 20 years and I'm starting to realize how rare that really is. Although, for us, it was easy(ish). We walked the same halls together of a single building from 1st through 12th grade. And the moment that it wasn't circumstance forcing us together, it did take work -- but at that point, we were practically family. I find myself very fortunate to have this type of deep-rooted friendship with them, along with only a handful of other people from high school and college.
It's very odd to be so far away from the people that mean the most to me; it's even more odd when I admit to myself that I likely won't ever be back in the same area code as them. It's something I don't consciously struggle with, but every time I'm back in the midwest, I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. I'm a little less homesick for these friendships with each passing year thanks to a steady fix of texting, email, video chat, phone calls and reunions (nothing says "true friendship" like that fact the nearest airport to/from my friends in Nebraska is a 3-hour drive).
Growing up in a town of 756, I know many of long-standing friendships were planted in proximity, but flourished because of shared experiences and time. However, now that I'm more far-removed from them, I've noticed my new ones are built on something else: shared interests and beliefs. It's telling to examine my current Boston friendships and how/if they are a true reflection of who I am. As it's much more difficult to meet people outside of the structure of high school or college, I realize those we befriend at this point in our lives really do speak volumes about who we are. (And who am I? That vine video below pretty much sums it up...)
...
Rereading my mumbling above, I honestly don't know exactly what I was trying to say, other than the fact that I really value my friendships (so profound, hmm?). Maybe it's because these types of relationships are the ones I seem to understand the best, much more so than romantic or professional ones. This may be why I invest so much into them... even those 1,500 miles away in Nebraska. Coworkers, bosses, lovers -- they can ebb and flow, but it seems like close friendships can be a good litmus test of you are as a person. Or, at the very least, who you want to be.
Does everyone else put this much thought and value into their friendships? Or is it something specific to my life, my age, my... something?
Whatever it is, it's my lifelong devotion to building these relationships and my understanding of their subtle intricacies that may explain why I have only ever dated close friends. And I mean, only ever dated them. Like, I have never even been romantically involved with someone I didn't know for at least two years.
Yea...
People are always so shocked when I say this, and I only recently started to realize that I might be a dating anomaly. So yes, I've only ever dated close friends; I knew their life story, they knew mine. They had probably witnessed my narcoleptic grandfather taking a catnap in the corner booth of the town diner or my grandmother driving over a mailbox in her oversized Chrysler... and still wanted to date me. The pressure was off. I'm not sure if my ability (or inability) to only date friends stems from the fact I spent 15 years in the same small town or if it's my undying goal to turn my life into a rom-com (i.e. girl and guy meet, they are "just friends, guys" and then one day, she takes off her glasses and BAM, love).
I get so amped up about making new friends that I'm constantly teased about my never-ending ability to friendzone every guy I met. I think it's important to note that I don't friendzone because I can't imagine being interested in the guys I spend time with, I just friendzone because it's what makes sense to me. It's pretty rare for me to get beyond the friend mindset to the point I have a crush (26-year-olds can still say "crush," right?). So much so, that I can probably count these people on one hand (given that is it your hand, not mine).
Bottom line? I'm a friend kind of gal. I love being a friend. Wow, that seems incredibly lame/silly to type, but I immensely enjoy it.
So, even though I make side comments of "this is why I'm single," I know I am the biggest reason why I'm single. Well, that, and the fact Seth Cohen isn't a real person. For some reason, I'm content with being the perpetual friend. I think I equate it with my opportunity to enjoy the company of an amazing mix of people, explore our beautiful city and strive for everything I want out of life at this age.
Of course, I know all this might just be a smokescreen for the fact that I'm damn scared to invest in love beyond friendship. But really, who isn't?
However, I'm attempting to pull together this pile of incoherent thoughts thanks to an unexpected reader requesting a new post. I suppose you never know who might relate to your random rumblings, so thank you to that gal for the push.
And just to make this more interesting, let's count how many times I use the word "friend" in the following...
***
Yesterday, I received the following Facebook message after uploading this cover photo:
 |
| It's hard to believe these two turned 27 this week... |
I think the thing that really shocked me is that this guy took the time to send this to me; afterall, we know each other so peripherally that a Facebook message was the only way he had to contact me. All too often, I think about reaching out to people in these types of random situations and then rarely take the time to do so. And then almost immediately it starts to haunt me that maybe I should have said that one thing or helped that one person with their groceries. In the last year or two, I've been trying to act on my gut about these things. I know all of this may seem insignificant, but these little things help me keep my faith about people -- and I want to help others keep theirs. Anyway, I digress. The point is that this email left me thinking about my friendships -- which, if you know me well, is something I deeply value.
I've been friends with the gals pictured above for nearly 20 years and I'm starting to realize how rare that really is. Although, for us, it was easy(ish). We walked the same halls together of a single building from 1st through 12th grade. And the moment that it wasn't circumstance forcing us together, it did take work -- but at that point, we were practically family. I find myself very fortunate to have this type of deep-rooted friendship with them, along with only a handful of other people from high school and college.
It's very odd to be so far away from the people that mean the most to me; it's even more odd when I admit to myself that I likely won't ever be back in the same area code as them. It's something I don't consciously struggle with, but every time I'm back in the midwest, I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. I'm a little less homesick for these friendships with each passing year thanks to a steady fix of texting, email, video chat, phone calls and reunions (nothing says "true friendship" like that fact the nearest airport to/from my friends in Nebraska is a 3-hour drive).
Growing up in a town of 756, I know many of long-standing friendships were planted in proximity, but flourished because of shared experiences and time. However, now that I'm more far-removed from them, I've noticed my new ones are built on something else: shared interests and beliefs. It's telling to examine my current Boston friendships and how/if they are a true reflection of who I am. As it's much more difficult to meet people outside of the structure of high school or college, I realize those we befriend at this point in our lives really do speak volumes about who we are. (And who am I? That vine video below pretty much sums it up...)
...
Rereading my mumbling above, I honestly don't know exactly what I was trying to say, other than the fact that I really value my friendships (so profound, hmm?). Maybe it's because these types of relationships are the ones I seem to understand the best, much more so than romantic or professional ones. This may be why I invest so much into them... even those 1,500 miles away in Nebraska. Coworkers, bosses, lovers -- they can ebb and flow, but it seems like close friendships can be a good litmus test of you are as a person. Or, at the very least, who you want to be.
Does everyone else put this much thought and value into their friendships? Or is it something specific to my life, my age, my... something?
Whatever it is, it's my lifelong devotion to building these relationships and my understanding of their subtle intricacies that may explain why I have only ever dated close friends. And I mean, only ever dated them. Like, I have never even been romantically involved with someone I didn't know for at least two years.
Yea...
People are always so shocked when I say this, and I only recently started to realize that I might be a dating anomaly. So yes, I've only ever dated close friends; I knew their life story, they knew mine. They had probably witnessed my narcoleptic grandfather taking a catnap in the corner booth of the town diner or my grandmother driving over a mailbox in her oversized Chrysler... and still wanted to date me. The pressure was off. I'm not sure if my ability (or inability) to only date friends stems from the fact I spent 15 years in the same small town or if it's my undying goal to turn my life into a rom-com (i.e. girl and guy meet, they are "just friends, guys" and then one day, she takes off her glasses and BAM, love).
I get so amped up about making new friends that I'm constantly teased about my never-ending ability to friendzone every guy I met. I think it's important to note that I don't friendzone because I can't imagine being interested in the guys I spend time with, I just friendzone because it's what makes sense to me. It's pretty rare for me to get beyond the friend mindset to the point I have a crush (26-year-olds can still say "crush," right?). So much so, that I can probably count these people on one hand (given that is it your hand, not mine).
Bottom line? I'm a friend kind of gal. I love being a friend. Wow, that seems incredibly lame/silly to type, but I immensely enjoy it.
So, even though I make side comments of "this is why I'm single," I know I am the biggest reason why I'm single. Well, that, and the fact Seth Cohen isn't a real person. For some reason, I'm content with being the perpetual friend. I think I equate it with my opportunity to enjoy the company of an amazing mix of people, explore our beautiful city and strive for everything I want out of life at this age.
Of course, I know all this might just be a smokescreen for the fact that I'm damn scared to invest in love beyond friendship. But really, who isn't?
Comments
Post a Comment