#ALE: The apartment, not the beer.
I can't remember the last time I actually spent Thanksgiving with my own family. Six years ago, maybe? In that time, I have spent it with my ex-boyfriend, my best friend's family, grad school friends and most recently, my former roommates' families.
As you may recall from a previous post, I lived with a married couple last year. I got a lot of raised eyebrows and a few "are you sure there is no one else you could live with" questions, so I thought it may help to understand how the situation came about. But more importantly, why I am so thankful it did.
In the spring of 2012, my closest friend in Boston (and consequently, roommate) and I had a big blowout over the most stereotypical teen drama plotline ever: a boy. Given he was one of my oldest friends and also an ex, the situation wasn't black & white, but was very messy. Through the chaos, I saw my life was on the precipice of change. So naturally, I felt inclined to cling to the familiar -- which resulted in resigning the lease on my two bedroom apartment knowing full well my roommate was going to move out immediately. But all I could think was how, when everything else was shifting, I sure as hell wasn't going to add "find a new home" to my list of to-do's.
And then I immediately regretted my decision.
Heading into the summer in a large city, especially in Boston, without securing a roommate is downright silly. It's like prom: everyone has already snatched up the best dates while you're still playing out fake conversations with a cute boy in your head. I refused to move in with a stranger (because, come on, I've seen Law & Order), so I was at a loss when I made a joke to my recently married friends, Eric & Laura, about moving in. Unbeknownst to me, they went home and seriously discussed it. I remember my Nana asking me (and this is a direct quote), "Ali, you've clearly got a wounded heart, do you really want to move in with two people who have found love when you haven't?" Thanks, Nan.
Although, I could see The Nana's point: not only were E+L a couple, they were newlyweds. And yes, the potential to sulk in my singledom while surrounded by love scared me. Despite this, we met a few times, weighed the pros and cons, and ultimately decided to move in together. After we unpacked the first box, I told The Nana she needn't worry.
For starters, Eric and I went to grad school together -- so I already had a good idea of our compatibility before moving in. The big unknown was his new wife, Laura, who I barely knew since she lived in California until right before their wedding. I knew we were all a little apprehensive about the varying histories/dynamics, but within a month or two, we were already a family: the #ALE family (Alia, Laura and Eric). I think the biggest mistake I made going into the year was that I viewed our living situation as "me" and a "married couple." I quickly came to realize that, while I was technically living with a couple, I was also living with two very different people... one of which could potentially be a new friend (and we all know how much I love a good friendship). I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't had the chance to get to know Laura better. The timing of her entrance into my life as a really good "girlfriend" was something of the gods. I hadn't realized how much I needed it.
When you boil it down, we were just a couple of 20-somethings trying to find our way. The adventures we stumbled upon probably occur across many roommate situations, regardless of relationship status. While we joked about my "single's stamina" clashing with their "old, married couple-ness," we actually just balanced each other. On some weekends, they'd help me scout cover bands in the city (the best? Guzzle at Landsdowne) and for others, they'd let me tag along for the best part about not having to go out and meet people at bars: sweatpants, takeout and Netflix.
Beyond that, it was very interesting to observe a marriage so closely. Other than observing my own grandparents, I've never had an objective, front row view to the ins and outs of a relationship. Watching E+L interact, communicate and compromise taught me a few lessons about what I'm looking for in a significant other. While I knew it on some level, it was a harrowing realization that I really hadn't expanded my expectations from the 23-year-old version of myself. It takes a lot of insight into matters of your own heart in order to know what it takes to propel a connection with someone beyond a meet-cute moment, the walls of an office or even your zip code.
***
While it nearly crushed me, my roommates moved back to California a few months ago. A small part of me feared we'd quickly drift apart -- that we'd fall into the patterns of a single gal and married couple living 3,000 miles apart. After all, we only moved in together because I'd gotten myself into a jam and it was a temporary fix. But, there is absolutely nothing temporary about us.
As I mentioned 1,200 some-odd words ago, I even spent this Thanksgiving with Eric's family. Aside from the fact they're incredibly kind people and have been spoiling me nonstop since we've gotten to know each other, I feel like I'm one of their own. There is only a handful of families I feel so completely comfortable with, and it makes my stomach hurt to think there is a possibility they would not be in my life had it not been for an apartment lease. It's just another reminder family is not necessarily blood or surnames, and you never know where you're going to find it. Just because I'm the only Mohsen I really know doesn't mean that I don't have family. I'd argue that I've been blessed with family from all different surnames and zip codes, including these crazy kids (and their twins) below.
Bottom line? You never know where... or on whom... you'll land when you think your life has taken a spill off that proverbial cliff. So just try to fall with some grace and faith.
***
Over four years ago, I met Eric because he sat down in the seat next to mine at a BU sponsored Red Sox game. Seems serendipitous, right? Two and a half years later, he and his wife moved in so I wouldn't be without my familiar Boston home and a hefty security deposit. Although it didn't seem so at the time, I think this was the very definition of serendipity. And the definition of holy-gosh-I-thank-my-lucky-stars-this-all-happened-ity.
Everything does happen for a reason. I must have known that all along because I updated my FB cover photo with that exact sentiment the week before I jokingly asked Eric and Laura to move in...
PS: The key to living with a married couple? Two bathrooms. Also, a steady supply of Oreos, whiskey and mac & cheese for bartering purposes.
As you may recall from a previous post, I lived with a married couple last year. I got a lot of raised eyebrows and a few "are you sure there is no one else you could live with" questions, so I thought it may help to understand how the situation came about. But more importantly, why I am so thankful it did.
In the spring of 2012, my closest friend in Boston (and consequently, roommate) and I had a big blowout over the most stereotypical teen drama plotline ever: a boy. Given he was one of my oldest friends and also an ex, the situation wasn't black & white, but was very messy. Through the chaos, I saw my life was on the precipice of change. So naturally, I felt inclined to cling to the familiar -- which resulted in resigning the lease on my two bedroom apartment knowing full well my roommate was going to move out immediately. But all I could think was how, when everything else was shifting, I sure as hell wasn't going to add "find a new home" to my list of to-do's.
And then I immediately regretted my decision.
Heading into the summer in a large city, especially in Boston, without securing a roommate is downright silly. It's like prom: everyone has already snatched up the best dates while you're still playing out fake conversations with a cute boy in your head. I refused to move in with a stranger (because, come on, I've seen Law & Order), so I was at a loss when I made a joke to my recently married friends, Eric & Laura, about moving in. Unbeknownst to me, they went home and seriously discussed it. I remember my Nana asking me (and this is a direct quote), "Ali, you've clearly got a wounded heart, do you really want to move in with two people who have found love when you haven't?" Thanks, Nan.
Although, I could see The Nana's point: not only were E+L a couple, they were newlyweds. And yes, the potential to sulk in my singledom while surrounded by love scared me. Despite this, we met a few times, weighed the pros and cons, and ultimately decided to move in together. After we unpacked the first box, I told The Nana she needn't worry.
For starters, Eric and I went to grad school together -- so I already had a good idea of our compatibility before moving in. The big unknown was his new wife, Laura, who I barely knew since she lived in California until right before their wedding. I knew we were all a little apprehensive about the varying histories/dynamics, but within a month or two, we were already a family: the #ALE family (Alia, Laura and Eric). I think the biggest mistake I made going into the year was that I viewed our living situation as "me" and a "married couple." I quickly came to realize that, while I was technically living with a couple, I was also living with two very different people... one of which could potentially be a new friend (and we all know how much I love a good friendship). I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't had the chance to get to know Laura better. The timing of her entrance into my life as a really good "girlfriend" was something of the gods. I hadn't realized how much I needed it.
 |
| Love Actually was right: Airport reunions are one of the best things for the heart. |
Beyond that, it was very interesting to observe a marriage so closely. Other than observing my own grandparents, I've never had an objective, front row view to the ins and outs of a relationship. Watching E+L interact, communicate and compromise taught me a few lessons about what I'm looking for in a significant other. While I knew it on some level, it was a harrowing realization that I really hadn't expanded my expectations from the 23-year-old version of myself. It takes a lot of insight into matters of your own heart in order to know what it takes to propel a connection with someone beyond a meet-cute moment, the walls of an office or even your zip code.
***
While it nearly crushed me, my roommates moved back to California a few months ago. A small part of me feared we'd quickly drift apart -- that we'd fall into the patterns of a single gal and married couple living 3,000 miles apart. After all, we only moved in together because I'd gotten myself into a jam and it was a temporary fix. But, there is absolutely nothing temporary about us.
As I mentioned 1,200 some-odd words ago, I even spent this Thanksgiving with Eric's family. Aside from the fact they're incredibly kind people and have been spoiling me nonstop since we've gotten to know each other, I feel like I'm one of their own. There is only a handful of families I feel so completely comfortable with, and it makes my stomach hurt to think there is a possibility they would not be in my life had it not been for an apartment lease. It's just another reminder family is not necessarily blood or surnames, and you never know where you're going to find it. Just because I'm the only Mohsen I really know doesn't mean that I don't have family. I'd argue that I've been blessed with family from all different surnames and zip codes, including these crazy kids (and their twins) below.
.JPG) |
| Outsmarting the panoramic feature on my iphone w/ quick moves and outfit changes. |
Bottom line? You never know where... or on whom... you'll land when you think your life has taken a spill off that proverbial cliff. So just try to fall with some grace and faith.
***
 |
| The #ALE apartment. |
Everything does happen for a reason. I must have known that all along because I updated my FB cover photo with that exact sentiment the week before I jokingly asked Eric and Laura to move in...
PS: The key to living with a married couple? Two bathrooms. Also, a steady supply of Oreos, whiskey and mac & cheese for bartering purposes.
Comments
Post a Comment