Hearing Aids, Narcolepsy and Early Bird Dinners

This is a work in progress...

I will occasionally update the below with the brilliant, hilarious and confusing things my grandparents say. It only begins to capture the essence of Nana & Gee, but I know it'll be the perfect pick-me-up when I need a smile. 

I can only hope it will bring a little joy to your day, too.

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• The Nana just called me about Dunkin Donuts' AARP discount. "Aren't you so excited, Alia?!" Yes, I will be...in 20 years.

• While watching an old Western movie with Clint Walker, Gee pauses the TV and informs me that, sometime in the 1960's, Nan told him that Clint could "park his boots under her bed anytime." Definitely not something I needed to know.

• While driving Nan around town over the holiday, she exclaims, "Yowza, look at the jaguar!" I look around and cannot tell what she's referencing, so I just make a noncommittal sound. As we pull up to the next red light, I look over to see a very elderly woman stroke the hair of a much younger man. Otherwise known as a cougar. I mean, she tried to stay up-to-speed with cat-lady terminology, so I gotta give her credit for that one.  

• It's almost midnight and my grandpa just asked me to take him to Taco Bell for "that fourth meal thingie." I'm so my grandpa's daughter. 

• "Another episode starts in 17 seconds?! Ohhhhhh....I don't knowww, should we...?" -The Nana, experiencing Netflix addiction for the first time.

• "Ohhhh, that guy has a cute butt. Talk about a tight end, am I right?!" -The Nana, watching college football.

• It took 8 years, but I was finally able to share the city I love (Boston) with two people I love so very much. In the parting words of The Nana, “It took me 86 years to get here, but this beautiful city is completely worth it.” And then she blew the city a kiss and took her favorite souvenir, a half-eaten lobster roll, through airport security.
  

• I showed Nan how to use Google Image Search and she spent 30 minutes happily scrolling through photos of Cam Gigandet. Just how technology was intended to be used.

• Voicemail from Nana: "The way the Weather Channel's been carrying on, the snow should be up to your armpits by now! Also, buy some beans and weenies."

• I was stuck overnight at the airport due to poor weather, and Nan called me at midnight to confirm that I was "sleeping with a plastic knife." No, no I wasn't, but I had a good laugh thinking about Nan fending off attackers in the night with plastic cutlery. 

• The Nana's thoughts on doing the difficult things in life: "Sometimes, I'm only a little bit brave. But I try to fake it." 

• Today's lesson from Grandpa: Never, ever assume someone's pregnant unless you see the baby emerge. "It has to be emerging." Good call, good call.

• My grandpa watches John Wayne westerns with a smile on his face throughout the entire movie. It's honestly one of my favorite things. 

• I'm sadden that so many others will never experience the chaos that is trying to watch a championship football game with a narcoleptic grandpa and a partially deaf grandma.

• The Nana asked if the phone would work while I was on my laptop, proving you don't need to know dial-up internet is no longer a thing in order to be a total badass.

• I will always get a kick out of Grandpa walking outside, looking up and exclaiming, "That moon is so bright, you could get a moon burn!" 

• And in today's edition of 'Grandparent Wisdom' [Kicks scale into the closet] "No one needs a scale after you've had cheesecake." -Gee

• Nana-ism: "Receding hairlines come from women pushing men away."  [Pushes Gramp's full head of hair] "I obviously didn't play hard to get." 

• Gee shows me a photo of a bat he found in the backyard.
• Gee: "I named it Bat-Bat."
• Me: "Bat Bat?"
• Gee: "Yes, because he's a bat, not a man. Na-na-na-na-na-na bat-baaaaat."

• What's the day before Christmas Eve, you ask? Christmas Adam. And yes, my grandpa and I celebrate it every year. We're never growing up.

• The scene: I move around the master bedroom, helping Nana into bed (Gee was already in bed). I shut off the lamp, and as I am trying to maneuver my way out of the bedroom in the dark, Gee says, "Ali, don't trip over the walker!"
• Nana: "Great idea, let's have waffles tomorrow!"
• Me: "Don't worry, I won't." (Not processing Nana mentioned something about waffles)
• Gee: "Alia volunteered! She's on waffle duty!"
• Me: "Wait, what? I was just saying I wouldn't trip on the walker. We're having waffles tomorrow...?" Silence. I think they conned me into making waffles by either pretending they couldn't hear me or has already fallen asleep. Hearing aids and narcolepsy for the win. You know, I respect it. I would probably do the same for waffles.