The "Dating" Life of a 27-Year-Old...
If you're reading this, it means I think an acceptable amount of time has passed since March and I can safely publish the post below without my date seeing it...
***
I had my first real date last week. Yes, my first date. If you're keeping up with my blog, you already know that I've only stumbled into full-on relationships with good friends and have never tried out the dating scene. As such, I've never ventured into the land of blind setups or small talk over a dinner with someone I didn't know.
So, yes. I didn't have my first true date until I was 27 years old. And you could be wondering, "Gosh Alia, why in the world would you admit that?!" I suppose I'm saying it for that one person who may read my blog and relate. Personally, that's why I read a lot of personal narratives; I'm searching for a chance to relate... a chance to know that I'm not completely an anomaly.
I also decided to write about it because in the last few weeks, I've heard the following from people in my life:
And yes, I had never been asked out on a date. With the prevalence of online dating sites, I just assumed that everyone else had a handle on this thing called love, and I somehow missed out on the lesson. But perhaps we all need a reminder that not everyone has it figured out.
I stopped to look around at the majority of the people I spend my time with, and many of them are actually single... and more importantly, happy to be so. Even a few months ago, my own writings reflected I was happy as a clam with my singledom:
So, what happened?
I felt the doubt slowly wash over me sometime during our very long winter, fueled by the realization that I had never gone on a "first" date. At first, I thought it could be because both my graduate program and my job were predominately comprised of women -- or perhaps my Midwest roots didn't mesh well with Boston dating norms. Then my thoughts ran rampant.
Doubts I'd never had came flooding in. It took about three weeks before I could snap back to reality. When my mind stopped racing with fears and questions, I remembered love is not the mad dash I was starting to believe it was. All of those confessions I mentioned above prove there are plenty of people our age (guys and gals alike) who are also trying to figure this all out. There's no need to think we need to be at some romantic milestone because we perceive others are -- or because our parents were when they were our age.
So, I let it all go. The moment I stopped panicking, the universe handed me my first date. And bonus: he didn't even try to chop me up (thanks a million for the paranoia, Law & Order). The universe even managed a guy who was polite, charming and handsome -- and had great taste in music (read: my taste in music) and brilliant conversational skills. While I knew in my gut that we just didn't have that umph, I also knew there was no need to force it. Who cares that I didn't have my first date until I was 27? Who cares that I probably won't have another for a long time? Who cares that you've never been in love? Or that you haven't met the person worthy of your virginity? Trust me, if you find the person who truly cares, they are not. worth. it.
I know, I know, it's easier said than done. But I think if we could take a minute to get out of our own heads, we'd find some clarity. It's easy to put on the blinders and focus on not falling behind in this self-perceived mad dash for love, but you risk missing out on everything in the peripheral. I'm not necessarily talking about other opportunities for romance; I'm just saying it's okay to have something else to strive for in your 20's. Don't think there is something wrong with you if you'd rather focus on going after that promotion, giving back to your community or plotting adventures with your friends. There are also other ways to share all that love you have flowing through your veins: with your friends, family or even the strangers you pass on the street.
It's no secret that great things often come your way when you least expect them. So, just take a deep breath and try to worry a little less.
***
I had my first real date last week. Yes, my first date. If you're keeping up with my blog, you already know that I've only stumbled into full-on relationships with good friends and have never tried out the dating scene. As such, I've never ventured into the land of blind setups or small talk over a dinner with someone I didn't know.
So, yes. I didn't have my first true date until I was 27 years old. And you could be wondering, "Gosh Alia, why in the world would you admit that?!" I suppose I'm saying it for that one person who may read my blog and relate. Personally, that's why I read a lot of personal narratives; I'm searching for a chance to relate... a chance to know that I'm not completely an anomaly.
I also decided to write about it because in the last few weeks, I've heard the following from people in my life:
- I've never really had butterflies.
- I've never been in a relationship.
- I've never been in love.
- I've never had sex.
And yes, I had never been asked out on a date. With the prevalence of online dating sites, I just assumed that everyone else had a handle on this thing called love, and I somehow missed out on the lesson. But perhaps we all need a reminder that not everyone has it figured out.
I stopped to look around at the majority of the people I spend my time with, and many of them are actually single... and more importantly, happy to be so. Even a few months ago, my own writings reflected I was happy as a clam with my singledom:
... even though I make side comments of "this is why I'm single," I know I am the biggest reason why I'm single. Well, that, and the fact Seth Cohen isn't a real person. I'm content. I think I equate singledom with my opportunity to enjoy the company of an amazing mix of people, explore our beautiful city and strive for everything I want out of life at this age...
So, what happened?
I felt the doubt slowly wash over me sometime during our very long winter, fueled by the realization that I had never gone on a "first" date. At first, I thought it could be because both my graduate program and my job were predominately comprised of women -- or perhaps my Midwest roots didn't mesh well with Boston dating norms. Then my thoughts ran rampant.
Was I giving off a vibe I wasn't aware of? Did I need to change my look? Cut my hair, lose weight, buy new clothes? Could people tell that it had been awhile since I'd been interested in someone and I felt paralyzed at the thought of opening up to someone I didn't know I could trust (which likely explains my friend-zoning habit). What was I doing wrong? Should I also be actively looking for love online because everyone else was (or, rather, looking for whatever Tinder offers)?
So, I let it all go. The moment I stopped panicking, the universe handed me my first date. And bonus: he didn't even try to chop me up (thanks a million for the paranoia, Law & Order). The universe even managed a guy who was polite, charming and handsome -- and had great taste in music (read: my taste in music) and brilliant conversational skills. While I knew in my gut that we just didn't have that umph, I also knew there was no need to force it. Who cares that I didn't have my first date until I was 27? Who cares that I probably won't have another for a long time? Who cares that you've never been in love? Or that you haven't met the person worthy of your virginity? Trust me, if you find the person who truly cares, they are not. worth. it.
I know, I know, it's easier said than done. But I think if we could take a minute to get out of our own heads, we'd find some clarity. It's easy to put on the blinders and focus on not falling behind in this self-perceived mad dash for love, but you risk missing out on everything in the peripheral. I'm not necessarily talking about other opportunities for romance; I'm just saying it's okay to have something else to strive for in your 20's. Don't think there is something wrong with you if you'd rather focus on going after that promotion, giving back to your community or plotting adventures with your friends. There are also other ways to share all that love you have flowing through your veins: with your friends, family or even the strangers you pass on the street. It's no secret that great things often come your way when you least expect them. So, just take a deep breath and try to worry a little less.
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